Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
