Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
