So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Success! We fucked roommates!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
