a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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