YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
