we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
