Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
