your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
