Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
