he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
