At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
