we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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