I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
