Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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