Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
