I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
