the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
