You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
