Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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