I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
