Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
