i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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