small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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