last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
