Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
