I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
