Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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