just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
