Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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