Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
