I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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