I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
