im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
