he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
