so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dignity is for republicans.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
then he tried to convert me to islam
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
