At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
