he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
