I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
