I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
