I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
