brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
