she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
