dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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