It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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