and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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