Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
