2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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