She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How does it feel to date your dad?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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