one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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