I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
