Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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