i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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